Mistress

[Cerberus]

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

i mentally prepare to habis tis relationship ... altho inside i feel 可惜 tat only man ego & over 'small thing' like hand bag must end relationship.

kum siah for yur views & advice.

I firmly believed in give and take. 2 ppl together must learn to give and take.
You gave in to her, she must also learn to give in to you. Mutual respect for each other is the secret to long term relationship.

[Lil'Tempt]

really enjoying reading this story...

[justime]

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

…. thread has been quiet for some time. how are you? any new tips and stories?

anyway, 15 nov The New Paper publish front page tat man's mistress pour hot oil on his wife, and yet the man's heart still with her ..... dam serious case of KC man ..... what are your thots

my life a lil more interesting - got gf now...

Hi Bro Anson, first off let me congratulate you on having a gf!

I do not have the full context of how you court her but I intuitive sense that you must have taken action for this to happen (like maybe capitalize on chance encounters) instead of passively waiting for romance to happen like your previous relationships.

Apologies for this leave of absence, I am trying to work out some business deals so as to improve the level of my “cheonging” budget.

Updates wise, not much developments by way of my love protagonists: Same two gfs (Singapore and Thailand) and my BY in Indonesia (Sarah whom I mentioned above).

I am still feeling a little lethargic because of my work and all that travel. As such, I will elaborate a little later on the case of the vengeful mistress for now.

Suffice to say, the man in question handled the matter poorly. He did not manage his emotions well. He also leads his mistress on in terms of expectations.

For now, note the situations that can compel extreme violence in a woman:

1) She is being scorned.
2) Her future and security is compromised.
3) Her loved ones (especially off-spring) is being threatened.

Originally Posted by ansonsohna

….
had a major fight with my gf (less than one mth already fight). tis concerns the carrying of her handbag by me.
…….i refuse to give in to her. not sure if tis is the empowerment tat bro jus talk abt or me simply being petty on the issue of me carrying her handbag? does it mean tat i am not a man when i do so? if i give in & carry her bag, will it say i got lose power & kena take for granted? is carrying bag symbolic for me being 乾纲不振 (henpecking) or being a 太监?

i mentally prepare to habis tis relationship ... altho inside i feel 可惜 tat only man ego & over 'small thing' like hand bag must end relationship. …..

I will give my take on this after my “break”.

Let me however at the outset state here that I am not very successful in maintaining a long term relationship vis-à-vis some of bros here. Perhaps their inputs will be more valuable to you.

I know how to start a relationship and even exit well. But to build and nurture a long term one with a single girl is obviously not my forte. I therefore cannot speak with “authority” here as I lack the necessary experiential knowledge / credential to do so. Nonetheless, I shall give you my 'two cents' for your consideration.

I like to state here that carrying of your gf seem to be a manifestation of an overt power struggle between you and your gal. That it happened during the 'honeymoon period' is interesting. Again I am not sure of the your respective motivations on why you take the position you do.

The questions I have for you now:

1) Whether you have explicitly communicated to her that you do not like to carry her handbag and despite this assertion, she insisted that you do so.

2) I would like to ask you on what grounds and reasons (at the prima facie level) does she provide you to carry her bags.

3) What are your personal views on men carrying their partners’ hand bags? Are you scared of other people’s reaction or you find it intrinsically distasteful? (Litmus test: How do you feel if you carry her bag if alone? when only with her? when there are other third party ‘witness’ around?

Got to go now bro, I will come back with more inputs soon.

[warbird]

Hi esteemed bro Justime,

Pls continue to share ur wisdom, insights, experiences n masterstrokes on this complex subject called "Mistress" w/ us.

Ths n hv a great day!!

Bro WB

[yandaoking]

Be a man with principles.

It is nothing wrong to carry GF's hand bag depending on situations (e.g when she is attending some errands with no free hand). Do not make it a habit to carry for her, only do it when necessary.

My ex once told me (When I was young) when I was trying to carry her hand bag " Do not carry my hand bag, it is weird for a MAN to do such things". Well.....You do not need to show off your love to your loved one by carrying her hand bag. There are many other ways to show......such like buying her a branded hand bag and I am sure she will love to carry it around (To show off mah, hehe).

Just my 2 cents worth.

yandaoking

[tuxedosam]

should or shouldn't a guy carry his partner's bag? it all depends on a number of different factors. does his partner, for example, expect him to do it all the time, or only under certain circumstances? and is she still insistent, despite his vocal opposition? the list of variables goes on and on. personally, i have no qualms about carrying my partner's bag (as long as it looks decent enough, hahaha!) and dun see it as an issue of manhood or masculinity at all. it all boils down to the fundamental balance in the relationship between your partner and yourself. no two people (and no two relationships) are completely alike so it's kinda hard to generalise as well. interpersonal dynamics...it can be a tricky minefield... and of course the nature of the shared relationship is doubtlessly also important. while i'm okay with being a porter for the CO or a GF, i probably wouldn't carry the bag of an ordinary FB, just to give an indication. well, it just wouldn't be 'right', eh? hmph, perhaps even more galling (to some) is not ferrying the counterpart's handbag per se, but being tasked with the inglorious duty of lugging all the (probably gratuitous) shopping accumulated on a leisurely weekend excursion to the mall. it's all a matter of being taken for granted sometimes. a long-term relationship is a partnership of sorts and there has to be give-and-take on both ends. while it is perhaps impossible to achieve a completely equal and level playing field between the two halves of a couple, i dun think it's very healthy either for one party to be doing all the compromising, caving in and slaving away all the time either. put simply, i find it pretty offensive that some women consider their significant others to be mere mobile ATMs and mules-on-order. it really reveals the severe character flaws of both sides. nobody, man or woman, can gain the respect of anyone else if he or she does not first respect himself or herself. it isn't about machismo or pride, but just some plain vanilla self-respect. so whatever it is, make sure you dun ever lose that last bastion of your 'self'. anyhow, the straightforward way to get a woman to carry her own bag is just to make sure that the relevant item is simply gorgeous enough. no self-respecting owner of a birkin will ever countenance the idea of someone else carrying her pride and joy and the centrepiece of her bag collection. even if that person happens to be her stud of a hubby, her gay BFF or whatever. think it works the same even if you're talking about 'lesser' bags like the chanel 2.55 or even something as 'pedestrian' as a baguette from fendi. would you want (and be able) to get your tease a birkin though? heheh, as an aside, i suppose if i had a mistress, i probably would never hold her bag on her behalf. i wouldn't...just for the heck of it if nothing else. i suppose with that sort of relationship, the balance of power is rather different. something so ephemeral and transient doesn't deserve that extra oomph of involvement and commitment. but then again, i doubt i can afford to have one even if i ever desire to have one (which i dun, currently) so the point is kinda moot. enjoy the bag shopping this long weekend, everyone (mistress or GF or missus in tow, or not); cheers.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Handbag powerplay?

IMHO, unless her hands are already preoccupied with carrying other things or if she is busy or needs to do something important without her bag bothering her, I wouldn't mind holding her bag for her for a short time that is needed. I would not carry her bag while walking around the mall while she wandering around for the shopping items. NO offend to any bros, although I think it's not a big deal for guys helping to carry their ladies bags “sometimes”, but it's really awkward for me to see guys carrying their girlfriend's bag walking all over the place like I have seen in here and in certain China cities. It does not implies that men not carrying their ladies bags are inconsiderate, unloving or uncaring as we will definitely not let any ladies carrying heavy or dirty stuffs. Not all girls would want their boyfriends to carry their bags.

To be fair, I would never let them carry my wallet at all.

[Rolec]

Hi Bro Anson
1st n foremost, congrats on ur gf! juz 2 share. to help gf carry handbags is ok if needed when her hands are full etc. but most gals would not want their bf to carry handbags around.

If a gal insist that u carry her handbags when it is not necessary, then my personal view is her loss if things dun work out.

cheers

[ansonsohna]

i thanks all bros here for yur nice and helpful words. very gratitude.

Originally Posted by Cerberus

I firmly believed in give and take. 2 ppl together must learn to give and take.
You gave in to her, she must also learn to give in to you. Mutual respect for each other is the secret to long term relationship.

i tink bro cerberus u correct in saying issue is abt respect. i feel tat she did not give me respect.

actually last time when i had my ex gf, i more than chin chye. everyting my ex gf want, i do. 忍 all her nonsense becos i scare she break up. after being so wussy, still kena dumped.

handbag not so heavy i can carry, but when she ask me to carry it while we go shopping, i say i don't want. actually i don't mind to carry one - but don't know why on tis day, i say i don't want. suddenly she 翻脸 & ask me what wrong with it. this then becum quarrel.

bro justime taught me to be more empowerment & assertive. aso tks to his coaching & my hiong, i slightly more confident with myself. i learn that actually even break up no problemo as i can find new one frm my own hand and effort.

i feel tat if got no respect so early in our relationship, next time chia lat (end up like with me wussy like last time with my ex) - so now kick fuss & pursposely 无理取闹on bag issue lah.

Originally Posted by justime

Hi Bro Anson, first off let me congratulate you on having a gf!
......

The questions I have for you now:

1) Whether you have explicitly communicated to her that you do not like to carry her handbag and despite this assertion, she insisted that you do so.

2) I would like to ask you on what grounds and reasons (at the prima facie level) does she provide you to carry her bags.

3) What are your personal views on men carrying their partners’ hand bags? Are you scared of other people’s reaction or you find it intrinsically distasteful? (Litmus test: How do you feel if you carry her bag if alone? when only with her? when there are other third party ‘witness’ around?

Got to go now bro, I will come back with more inputs soon.

actually i must thk u one. u make me realise tat there got other fish in the ocean & then teach me how to fish.

* my gf sally just say her handbag heavy, so ask me to carry it. we window shopping at taka. yah, i tell her i don't like to carry bag but she still insisted and say what is wrong. (see my reply to bro cerburus)

* actually got no strong personal views. carry mah carry lor. people say what, think what their business. last time i aso carry all my ex bag.

it is only after i say i don't want to carry and then she Kow Pei Kow Bu then i realise got issue. got power struggle. i want to be assertive bcos i don't ever wanna kena like last time doormat.

now go so far, i don't wanna back down on hand bag issue as i don't wanna appear wussy.

however after abt one day later, i call her and say sori. but i repeat my pt abt not carry handbag. sally say okay but disappointed in me bcos i so 大男子主义.

Originally Posted by yandaoking

....My ex once told me (When I was young) when I was trying to carry her hand bag " Do not carry my hand bag, it is weird for a MAN to do such things". Well.....You do not need to show off your love to your loved one by carrying her hand bag. There are many other ways to show......such like buying her a branded hand bag and I am sure she will love to carry it around (To show off mah, hehe).

i know tat some women & man tink it wierd for man carry handbag. to me carry mah carry lor ..... but now tat i tink again, got like wat bro justime say, power struggle.

bro yandao, me not as handsome as u as well rich like u leh ... i rather carry her handbag than buy her branded bag.

[ansonsohna]

Originally Posted by tuxedosam

... and dun see it as an issue of manhood or masculinity at all...... while i'm okay with being a porter for the CO or a GF, i probably wouldn't carry the bag of an ordinary FB, ...... it's all a matter of being taken for granted sometimes. a long-term relationship is a partnership of sorts and there has to be give-and-take on both ends... some women consider their significant others to be mere mobile ATMs and mules-on-order. it really reveals the severe character flaws of both sides. ...nobody, man or woman, can gain the respect of anyone else if he or she does not first respect himself or herself. it isn't about machismo or pride, but just some plain vanilla self-respect.... i suppose if i had a mistress, i probably would never hold her bag on her behalf. i wouldn't...just for the heck of it if nothing else. i suppose with that sort of relationship, the balance of power is rather different.

tk u bro tuxedosam for taking trouble to write all that explanation. wow ....very good and impressive. i breathless with yur wisdom. like to hear more frm u please - u sound so logical and u give good advice.

[ansonsohna]

Originally Posted by Ichigo_Kurosaki

Handbag powerplay?

....NO offend to any bros, although I think it's not a big deal for guys helping to carry their ladies bags “sometimes”, but it's really awkward for me to see guys carrying their girlfriend's bag walking all over the place like I have seen in here and in certain China cities. It does not implies that men not carrying their ladies bags are inconsiderate, unloving or uncaring as we will definitely not let any ladies carrying heavy or dirty stuffs. Not all girls would want their boyfriends to carry their bags.

To be fair, I would never let them carry my wallet at all.

bro ichigo, the more i tink, i more convince tat there got element of powerplay.

like u i tink no big deal until she KPKB when i decline her.

anyway i last time the awkard bladdy donkey u see carrying gf bag walking ard - but now got some standard......

[ansonsohna]

Originally Posted by Rolec

1st n foremost, congrats on ur gf! juz 2 share. to help gf carry handbags is ok if needed when her hands are full etc. but most gals would not want their bf to carry handbags around.

If a gal insist that u carry her handbags when it is not necessary, then my personal view is her loss if things dun work out.

thk u for yur congrats bro. long time no hear frm u at this thread too. when i typing tis, sally & me still together. for how long more, i don't know.

i now hv attitude of her loss if things don't work out. big change frm last me grovelling to my ex when she threaten to break up. (after all this lesson i learn these few months, i don't tink i can ever tahan gal use threat of breakup anymore)

anyway we know tat some gals do not want their bf to carry their handbags around. but what abt for those gal tat want their bf to do so? wat are bros view, wat if yur gf/oc ask u - how u react?

[Rolec]

Bro Anson
Think u did very well. Apologise but still state ur position (a position which I think is reasonable).

Yes, must apply Empowerment and dun be threatened by breakup!

Waiting to hear what other bros' view on how to react if gf ask them to carry handbags.

cheers

[besafe]

One thing for sure.
Most men are destined to carry their shopping bags.
Cheers.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Actually, the bag carrying syndrome is not a MUST!
I for one do not do such things unless absolutely necessary.
Like her hands are busy carrying other stuff and so on.
Lots of guys try to play Mr Nice when dating or trying to get the chick.
So they open door la, pull chair out for her to sit, use tissue to clean her mouth & not forgetting, carry her bag.
This is all self inflicted.
Once its already a norm, imagine, she expecting this action from you is not wrong, cos its already a norm to her, you programmed it in her head.
But then, the dude KPKB now, say she demanding.
Ask yourself an honest question, did she tell you to do it in the 1st place or you spoilt your own bloody market?????
Think the answer is anybody's guess ya