Tears For A PRC Prostitute

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

Perhaps, one day I may just have another story but you guys are wise men. I and my gal are just trying to have a pure & simple love story but everytime I visit this section, I can't help but sober a little.....

Bro PorcheClub, it's a miracle that this section was even born.
But then again, you're rite.
Those in it, those getting into it those outta it, all can come here to find what they need....this i am sure.....
What's most important is that one can find himself back again atht e end of their roller coaster rides

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by slider_72

Sorry bro, I am not sure I understand what you are trying to say here. Are you suggesting that I should go there, meet up with her and terminate this face to face?

Bro Slider, he is telling you to make a stand on what you want.
You say this, do that...tink you know what i mean...
Like the Bollywood movie, both hiding and giving each other the half ball behind the tree.........
Gotta wake up & STOP all ctcs since you've already known the truth.
If you continue to let her be there, it's a matter of time when she hits your weakness & you'll be doomed again.

[colins]

Originally Posted by slider_72

Sorry bro, I am not sure I understand what you are trying to say here. Are you suggesting that I should go there, meet up with her and terminate this face to face?

All the way means decide on what you want to do and go do it. Like Bro DYBJ said, stick to it till you either make or break. I mean, this guy close his 7-month chapter in one week and he din make it his past-time. Painful in that week, but after that...wah lah! own happy self again.

You see, one part of me thinks that the regular updates is good to show the progression (or degradation) of this relationship, the other of me thinks that a swift stroke to the throat is better than a slow painful death. It depends on who benefits most I guess. Forumers will see your relationship as KC and prepare themselves mentally to avoid it. But you, my bro, suffer daily with disappointments as your 'love' for her erodes little by little.

Maybe your approach is to build up enough negative feelings against your still-longing heart for her. Then one day when that finally tip the balance, you can stop all the communications and close this chapter. Its your choice man, you're the one taking the pain. So far, I think the rest of us are contended to see you taking the approach, its your pain and your life at stake anyway.

But bro, why create problems to say that you still want to go see her? Is it a test or deep inside you, is it an opportunity you created to let her disappoint you? Once the feelings start to erode, and you again start to build new feelings on it, all will crumble and you get the shit. It begins a cycle - build up and destroy, suffer and recover, restart step 1. To this, I would say its not right. The worst anyone can do is to create a cycle which he cant get out of.

That is why I suggest you to go all the way. You want to go over, do that. You want to leave the relationship, go ahead. I can't suggest that you go over any more that I should suggest that you quit totally now. I can't suggest either becos you haven't learn to treat this as a problem and understood that you have to solve it sooner than you think.

[slider_72]

Thanks bro DYBJ and Colin.

You may recall that she MIA for a while. When I finally managed to speak with her on the phone last week, it just blurted out from me that I wanted to see her in Chongqing. It was said on impulse without any prior thought on my part. I guess the bottled-up feeling was released when I finally managed to speak with her, a bit like a volcanic eruption.

After that, when I start to regain my senses over the next couple of days, coupled with the fact that she asked me to bring over a Nokia N95, I started questioning whether seeing her again was such a good idea after all.

I actually brought my passport along on Monday with the intention of going to apply for a visa. But before I did that, I finally decided that going over was not the right thing to do.

After deciding that I should not go over, I had to tell her of my change of plans before she makes the arrangements to meet up with me in Chongqing. Although I know that my feelings were not reciprocated, I don't have the heart to drop her like a rock and cease all contacts immediately. However, she should know by now that she is unlikely to derive any further benefits from me. I think she will simply just drift away. To me, that is probably better. A soft landing while takes a longer period of time may be less painful compared with a swift stroke at the jugular. I have a low threshold for pain.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by slider_72

To me, that is probably better. A soft landing while takes a longer period of time may be less painful compared with a swift stroke at the jugular. I have a low threshold for pain.

Bro Slider, the 4 golden rules......in your this statement, can you be honest and say out how many have you broken?
Yes you erupted cos you DIDNT want to let go!
Yes, you yearn for her...this we can all agree and understand but NOT sympathise
Soft landing......this is nothing short of self denial
Low threshold of pain, i think it's more you're not willing to FACE the reality that you have finally lost her bcos of you own doin or hers.
Remember, whatever happens in life, whatever decisions we make, the 10s of thousands of decisions we make everyday, every single one will lead to a different outcome.
But there's no short cut or less painful outcome to some matters in our lives.
Like a drug addict, its really no different from your situation.......she's the heroin, you're the abuser...knowing jolly well the harm that she is going to do to you, you just cant stop consuming it.........photostat scenario no mistake rite?
How do you CURE a drug addict? Only known effective way is???? COLD TURKEY! Whether he goes and becomes an addict again after his recovery will depend on his own resolve when confronted with the heroin again sometime in the future.
Damn, I was very very tempted, but for my own good, i had to do something i really didnt want to which i already elaborated bro.
Conclusion, at least i dun owe her...that, to me, I've done my part.....how she wants to walk her own path, i have no control but still i will b sad for her if one day i walk on the street n see her being beaten up by some guy which she cheated!!!! Y, another pending prediction waiting to appear infront of me. But i will only feel sad for the situation but i will not feel sad for her or pain....reason, she had a choice, she chose it n thus must pay the price.
You have 1 too, so make it and stop bluffing yourself.

[colins]

No worries, bro slider, as long as you are aware of what you are doing. It take only a little to hurt you, but a lot to be able to hurt her. The only thing I'm afraid of, is that you start to delude yourself in order to avoid pain. Nobody can be a judge on whether you are right or wrong, we are all different. But just be honest about it. Its one of those times in our life that we start becoming very close (to the little boy in us) and very much aware of we who really are.

Somebody once ask me what I do won't change the crowd, the culture, the industry or the game. But thats not what I'm looking for, it is what all these change me that is important. Similarly in your case, what you do will not change her, it is how she change you that you should be aware of.

[sakurada]

Originally Posted by slider_72

Thanks bro DYBJ and Colin.

You may recall that she MIA for a while. When I finally managed to speak with her on the phone last week, it just blurted out from me that I wanted to see her in Chongqing. It was said on impulse without any prior thought on my part. I guess the bottled-up feeling was released when I finally managed to speak with her, a bit like a volcanic eruption.

After that, when I start to regain my senses over the next couple of days, coupled with the fact that she asked me to bring over a Nokia N95, I started questioning whether seeing her again was such a good idea after all.

I actually brought my passport along on Monday with the intention of going to apply for a visa. But before I did that, I finally decided that going over was not the right thing to do.

After deciding that I should not go over, I had to tell her of my change of plans before she makes the arrangements to meet up with me in Chongqing. Although I know that my feelings were not reciprocated, I don't have the heart to drop her like a rock and cease all contacts immediately. However, she should know by now that she is unlikely to derive any further benefits from me. I think she will simply just drift away. To me, that is probably better. A soft landing while takes a longer period of time may be less painful compared with a swift stroke at the jugular. I have a low threshold for pain.

Now that I've read almost 50 pages and felt "entertained", I thought I can offer some advice. It looks apparent to most that it will take a while for you to get out of this. Let's try something different: Pretend you are broke and hopeless. Cook up a story. Use your imagination like because of the stock market, property market and the economy are so bad, <pick your choices> you are retrenched, your brother lost big time in stock/property, father's biz failed, etc. No N95, no big gifts, no this and that. Ask her if there are Y80/nite hotel in CQ. Plan the story.

I recall a certain ktv-girl i used to know. When I sold my car and started using public transport, she thought something bad has happened to me. Actually I scraped my car and had planned to buy a new car a few months later when COE dropped. But I played along as it is easier than trying to explain COE to a PRC. Within two weeks, she's MIA.

[wodemama]

Originally Posted by sakurada

I recall a certain ktv-girl i used to know. When I sold my car and started using public transport, she thought something bad has happened to me. Actually I scraped my car and had planned to buy a new car a few months later when COE dropped. But I played along as it is easier than trying to explain COE to a PRC. Within two weeks, she's MIA.

classic case of no money no honey.

[slider_72]

Originally Posted by sakurada

Let's try something different: Pretend you are broke and hopeless. Cook up a story. Use your imagination like because of the stock market, property market and the economy are so bad, <pick your choices> you are retrenched, your brother lost big time in stock/property, father's biz failed, etc. No N95, no big gifts, no this and that. Ask her if there are Y80/nite hotel in CQ. Plan the story.

Thanks for your suggestion but I am not comfortable with such a strategy. Just because I think she is not truthful to me doesn't mean that I have to act out a lie. Too tiring and draining.

Drove past a church today during lunch and I saw a banner that said "Jesus said come to me all you who are tired and weary." I feel absolutely tired and weary right now.

Anyway, I will heed bro DYBJ's advice and head up to Mount Cold Turkey. I think I've seen and heard enough about her to remain in Mount Cold Turkey for a while. In roughly 2 hours, I would have crossed the first milestone of not attempting to contact her for 24 hours . Given the content of her last sms to me last night, I believe she will not contact me within the next few days at least, probably thinking that going MIA again may cause me to have that wellspring of yearning once more.

Cheers bro.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Drove past a church today during lunch and I saw a banner that said "Jesus said come to me all you who are tired and weary." I feel absolutely tired and weary right now.Well, if you want help, go to Novena and cry to Mother Mary for her in intercede your sad and broken heart and allow the holy spirit to heal you.....its works trust me.

Anyway, I will heed bro DYBJ's advice and head up to Mount Cold Turkey. I think I've seen and heard enough about her to remain in Mount Cold Turkey for a while.Very glad to hear this bro, very happy for ya. Remember, the most difficult step to walk 10,000miles is the 1st step. Glad you are taking it.

I would love to ask you out for a relak drinking session but me now in taipei & bro colins is up north........will notify when i'm back till then, do take care, update us in here but dun go into recluse....it'll make your mind go CRAZY!!!!

[aczeta76]

Originally Posted by sakurada

I recall a certain ktv-girl i used to know. When I sold my car and started using public transport, she thought something bad has happened to me. Actually I scraped my car and had planned to buy a new car a few months later when COE dropped. But I played along as it is easier than trying to explain COE to a PRC. Within two weeks, she's MIA.

hahaha... which is Y i usually dun drive to GL and rather take a cab. Safer and less flashy to "all"

Bro slider72, she may still come back to you and try her luck again esp if she sense you are not ready to let go so dun be surprised and be led into thinking that she cannot forget you.

If you want to do that, then please go in with your eyes wide -open and face the consequences of your decision. Life is not a game.. u have to ultimately face the consequences of your actions and their effects on the lives of you and those around you.

[porscheclub]

Bro slider, my two cents here.

There's too much doubt in this relationship. Don't waste time. If you like her that much, what's an N95 & that mother-in-hospital-story is O so classic. Handphones there can be a lot cheaper & especially local sets so tell her you'd give her the cash instead which is better & can help to pay bills etc.

For mine, I didn't gave a 2nd thought. Booked a ticket 2 weeks in advance, plan it meticulously & told everybody I went HK. Then 12hrs before flight time, came here & read that a bro here almost got chopped by his PRC gal's hubby there while making out in the hotel room!! Gave me a cold feet & I made evac plans just in case. 24hrs later, I was greeted like a VIP with garland, driver & enjoyed a week of wonderful holiday. Come to think of it, I was damn lucky & I can't wait to go back & enjoy their sauna & seafood

But if you smell any sense of suspicion in this relationship. BAIL OUT! S$4K can buy you a lot of happy time here.

[colins]

Originally Posted by slider_72

In roughly 2 hours, I would have crossed the first milestone of not attempting to contact her for 24 hours .

Cheers bro.

hey bro, when I was wallowing in this stage, I find it easier to pass time by setting short term objectives, like to finish certain work by certain time. It gives me some urgency to get things done in a short period of time, and that keeps me interested. My clients hated me when I was 'in love' but loved me when I was out of it. At the end of the day, whether it is in the morning or at night when I finish work, I slept like a log.

[FL Lover]

To Bro Slider 72,

I was listening to a chinese song by wang fei (song title " red bean") while looking at yor postings and everything seems to make sense.

You are in a state of whereby yor big head tells you to let go of this relationship but your heart is weak hoping that she will change....

I will just cut n paste the song lyrics. Maybe it will make sense to u.

还没好好的感受
雪花绽放的气候
我们一起颤抖
会更明白什么是温柔
还没跟你牵著手
走过荒芜的沙丘
可能从此以后学会珍惜
天长和地久
有时候有时候
我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候
没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候
宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透
也许你会陪我看细水长流

还没为你把红豆
熬成缠绵的伤口
然后一起分享
会更明白相思的哀愁
还没好好的感受
醒著亲吻的温柔
可能在我左右
你才追求孤独的自由
有时候有时候
我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候
没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候
宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透
也许你会陪我看细水长流
有时候有时候
我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候
没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候
宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透
也许你会陪我看细水长流

In short, the moral of this song is to tell u. There is a time for everything. A time for starting as well as a time for ending. There is no forever lasting relationship. You really need to make a clear stand on yor decision. By wavering in yor decision, it will only affect yor life and job.

Hope you get out of it soon. Cheers

[slider_72]

Originally Posted by aczeta76

Bro slider72, she may still come back to you and try her luck again esp if she sense you are not ready to let go so dun be surprised and be led into thinking that she cannot forget you.

I wouldn't dispel that possibility but I think it is not a high possibility. When I last spoke with her over the phone on Monday after telling her that I am not going over, she mentioned 2 possibilities which in a way saddened me.

The first possibility she mentioned was that I can keep and maintain a second family in China, and that it does not cost as much as keeping a family in Singapore. The second possibility is for me to invest some money for her to start a business in China and we can split the profit.

I told her flatly that both are impossible. I am not prepared to spend that type of money. In her last sms to me on Tuesday night, she said that we had some good times together, it would best remain in our memories, etc, etc and ending off wishing me happiness in future. I think this is her farewell message without cutting off all the strings.

So I suppose if there are no other carrots left to chop, perhaps she may contact me again.

Originally Posted by porscheclub

Bro slider, my two cents here.

There's too much doubt in this relationship. Don't waste time. If you like her that much, what's an N95 & that mother-in-hospital-story is O so classic. Handphones there can be a lot cheaper & especially local sets so tell her you'd give her the cash instead which is better & can help to pay bills etc.

For mine, I didn't gave a 2nd thought. Booked a ticket 2 weeks in advance, plan it meticulously & told everybody I went HK. Then 12hrs before flight time, came here & read that a bro here almost got chopped by his PRC gal's hubby there while making out in the hotel room!! Gave me a cold feet & I made evac plans just in case. 24hrs later, I was greeted like a VIP with garland, driver & enjoyed a week of wonderful holiday. Come to think of it, I was damn lucky & I can't wait to go back & enjoy their sauna & seafood

But if you smell any sense of suspicion in this relationship. BAIL OUT! S$4K can buy you a lot of happy time here.

Modesty aside, the cost of the N95 and the cost of the trip plus allowance to her is still within my means. If I felt that her feelings for me were geniune, I would have gladly given her all that plus more.

One of the reasons why I backed out at the last minute was because I could not feel any genuine affection from her. I know if I went ahead with the trip, I would have had a good 4 day holiday with VIP treatment, lots of bonking and good food. If that was what I wanted, I would have followed some other friends to Guangzhou or Zhuhai instead. Hundreds of thousand other pretty meimeis to choose from too.

No, what I wanted from the trip, apart from my yearning to see her, was to see if I meant anything to her apart from the financial benefits that she could have obtained. Since I believe I have the answer without having to go over, the planned trip was thus redundant.

I am now in the process of bailing out. Today is Day 2 of Operation Mount Cold Turkey.