Tears For A PRC Prostitute

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Kudos to you bro lovemachine, took bolls to pen those thought in your heart here.
Just a word of advise, DUN CTC HER ANYMORE since you've made this decision...or it'll really bite in to you & if you 2 return back together, it'll be even more near impossible for you to pull away again......well dun, well dun!

[ekemono]

@ bro lovemachine,

I read your parting msg to her and sense you have alot to say to her. In fact I would expect you said more so if she was with you, as very often written words cannot fully describe our feelings well and completely.

You probably had guess right that she will not make it with the other guy, given that it was purely for monetary gain. Either he loose interest or he is force to quit due to substantial damage suffered. And sooner than you know, she will comes back for you. Only then your determination and sensible decision will be put to the test. Unless you intend to milk for sex(you could easily), i urge you to cut the string clean and swiftly.

I know you have come to love being with her, chatting with her, doing things together, the awesome love-making, her scent, but these things cannot sustain a relationship well if both parties do not share similar expectation, goals and directions at the very least level. They are not just solely extended to "to be married couples" but also to any couples that seek a longer term harmonised relationship. Expectation, goals and directions do change but they must not be in ways hurting to the other party.

As in your case, I read that you love her but had let her go for reasons that I may guess that you had no intentions to settle down with her, or of any should I have not understood. But the very fact is that you have fallen for her, and her pursuit in short term is hurting you. We dun even want to know about long term. Female are sensitive to our feelings and emotions, and I can bet with my last 20 bucks she knows exactly how much you love and cared for her. Now that you have let her go to her whatever advantage she seek, so deep in her tots, you are regarded as loving her and giving in to her.
How you felt after she "walks away" isn't important, it is the final moment in the exchange of feelings, tots and decision between both parties that determined the state of the relationship.

So, high chance she will come back for you, and she will appear like a helpless kitten, cold and hungry.
If you can be mindful over emotions you will reject her firmly and with determination.

I would also like to bring you to my tots and share with you this:
If you view she and you as a couple, her pursuit could be wrong. But if you seperate both apart and view both parties individually, she isn't doing any wrong. In fact she is speeding up reaching her objective.
So what I am trying to drive at is, she may not have spare much tots for you, in her decision making, she had only view herself as the only individual. So she did not felt she was wrong and went ahead to seize the opportunity.

Fine, wish her the best.
But here's the problem now. You are still in love with her, or have you gotton over her?

[glooper83]

I have to second Bro DYBJ's words... Its seems from your post that you really have no intention to settle down with her, do not make it any harder for you or her to let go anymore.

Much as you do love her, you know that you cannot/will not marry her. Its time to let her go. Holding her back will not do good to either of you. It will be hard, hard to let go of loving and being loved. But as i said, unless you are willing to do something rash, to jump the gun, nothing will ever come out of the r/s you are having, perhaps unless Bro DYBJ can advise you on how to marry 3 woman...

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by glooper83

I have to second Bro DYBJ's words... Its seems from your post that you really have no intention to settle down with her, do not make it any harder for you or her to let go anymore.

Much as you do love her, you know that you cannot/will not marry her. Its time to let her go. Holding her back will not do good to either of you. It will be hard, hard to let go of loving and being loved. But as i said, unless you are willing to do something rash, to jump the gun, nothing will ever come out of the r/s you are having, perhaps unless Bro DYBJ can advise you on how to marry 3 woman...

How the Merry Christmas did i get involved here.........
Bro, he's in pain, he needs time to clear his head and settle down...
Now's the time for him to reconcile with his old self.....

[ekemono]

Originally Posted by glooper83

I have to second Bro DYBJ's words

bro.., you need to quote which area you second on. Our bro DYBJ had dish out tons of valuable advice

[colins]

Bro Lovemachine, your post gave me a lot of insight on how you feel now. Good thing is that it is recorded here, you'll have the benefit of recounting your own experience as it is for the rest of us. For us, a story, but for you, a reality. Boy dun we all love that.

I really like bro eke's post as well, not many people can match the depth of which you were expressing, especially this

I know you have come to love being with her, chatting with her, doing things together, the awesome love-making, her scent, but these things cannot sustain a relationship well if both parties do not share similar expectation, goals and directions at the very least level. They are not just solely extended to "to be married couples" but also to any couples that seek a longer term harmonised relationship. Expectation, goals and directions do change but they must not be in ways hurting to the other party.

Seriously, I dun know whether your decision is the right one. Nobody knows. In fact, I believe not many people can cross the line like you did, as it needs a deep understanding of what is Love, and what love enables you to do. And I like to say a little more about that.

I do not believe in True Love. The only true love is between parents and children. I like to see love as a conduit, or as a journey to become 'relatives' similar to the love from a mother to her children. As loving takes place, the couple starts from ground zero (selfish, self centredness) to maturity (selfless, sacrificial). Only when it reach maturity will a couple establish a relationship that can do no harm to each other, that anything existing between them can only be benefiting each other. There are always ceilings, a notch in the progression that stops you and makes you consider whether you can be more selfless, less self centred, more willing to sacrifice, less selfish. If you can't progress beyond, it has to stop and it will stop. One of the most painful experience is when it does stop, both have to return to their original state. Not caring for someone you used to care is painful, so near but yet so far.

You reached a more advanced stage earlier than her. For objective reasons, she can possibly progress on to love you more. If she had done that, seriously, what is the value of money compared to having you beside her?

When we bring new experiences into our lives, we see a new person in ourselves. Yes it may be hard to adjust, its like when you see a mountain, it doesn't look like mountain anymore (看山不是山，看水不是水). It is KC, and yet it is not KC as it seems to be the most genuine love you've ever given. But the fact is, you've got the opportunity to progress beyond a lot of people's ability to love (that you have to thank her), you know how to love the next person more. And that in itself, will give you a more fulfilling life, as you will know which kind of relationship you shall have.

There is no advice for you now. Nothing can place you out of the sorrows except time. But buddy, I believe you can do it.

When its time to cry, just cry. When its time to be happy, let it out. When its time to love again, give your best and bring it on anytime. You're the humpty dumpty who can put himself together again.

Take care dude.

[glooper83]

Originally Posted by ekemono

bro.., you need to quote which area you second on. Our bro DYBJ had dish out tons of valuable advice

Actually i did not quote as it would have been just directly above my post. Little did i know that YOU were also writing a post at the same time!

See both posts submitted at 9.44am! Hmmph!

Bro Lovemachine, its gonna be a tough decision, but the way i see it, sooner or later you would have to come to a decision. And your mind has long made up that you wouldn't marry her. So why drag it any longer when things will get even more complicated to end the r/s?

[slider_72]

Just adding on my two-cents worth to what bro Colins said about what is the meaning of love. This may perhaps be my own self-reflection rather than an attempt at dishing out some hare-brain advice.

When I am with my "gf", the emotions are very strong (more me than her I think, unfortunately). It is easy to classify this strong emotion as love but on closer reflection, we should also pull back and think about what this emotion really is and what it means. I am sure bro lovemachine's emotions about Jing Er must be very strong otherwise he would not feel the way he is now. But as Bro Colins correctly pointed out, true love is more about selflessness and sacrifice.

Scientifically, when a couple is in the initial stages of a relationship, the brain produces different chemicals to let us have the feeling of being in love. For example, I think one of the chemicals the brain produces is called Seratonin (I think, if wrong don't flame me ok). This is the chemical which causes a person to have that "kan cheong" feeling which leads a person to start wondering and worrying whether the other party loves him/her, etc, etc. There is another chemical released which causes a person's heart to skip a few beats once he/she sees the object of his/her desire. There are a few other chemicals which the brain releases en mass during the early stages of a relationship which I cannot remember now. For ease of reference, let me call this Stage 1.

Once you are in a more advance stage of the relationship, when everything becomes stable, the brain stops releasing those chemicals and things go back to their normal state. This is when the person stops feeling the exhilaration of being in love. For ease of reference again, let me call this Stage 2.

At this stage, the shared experiences and foundation of the relationship is what keeps the relationship going.

I for one am fully aware that even if I manage to keep my "gf" with me permanently, once we reach Stage 2, there will be trouble because of a lack of a proper foundation and limited shared experiences between ourselves. And since we are from different cultural backgrounds and upbringing, the differences will only become more stark as time passes by.

For instance, I like going to Italian restaurants like Il Lido and Da Paolo and have my meals leisurely when I can afford the time. She sticks to Chinese food and cannot adapt to other types of food. Even sushi which composes mainly of rice is not her cup of tea. Her eating style is to fill the stomach and not enjoy the meal.

I enjoy my wines, especially the old world wines. She hates alcohol. It would probably be a torture for her to share a bottle of Chateau Lafitte with me.

English is my lingua franca. I think in English and when I speak with her, I need to translate what I want to say in my mind before expressing myself in Mandarin. Communications while possible is not at its optimum and there are feelings and issues which I cannot express as lucidly as I would if I spoke to her in English.

I am a city boy having been born and raised in our sunny island while she grew up in a village in Chongqing. Our life experiences during our formative years are totally different. I do not recall there being any mountain streams near my HDB estate where we could catch fish during our childhood days nor can I say I have tried my hands at harvesting the fields in autumn.

All said and done, man does not live by sex alone. If good sex was the main part of Stage 1, once you get to Stage 2, good sex is not going to salvage the relationship.

Leaving aside the issue that the girl was working as a WL. Assuming that her past will not affect you at all and that once you develop further, her fidelity to you is unquestionable. Bro lovemachine, the rhetorical question I pose to you is this; even if you are together and decide to get married, once you are past Stage 1 and move on to Stage 2, can you say that the two of you have already established a good foundation to move along?

If your intention is not to marry her and live together, isn't what you are doing now the mental equivalent of self-mutilation?

Ironically, the feeling of hurt and heartbreak can be quite addictive. Masochism in a different form. This is what I am going through now in heaps although I am fairly confident that once my "gf" returns home, I should be able to knock some sense back into my head. I hope you can too.

[colins]

Thanks bro slider_72 for the addition to my badly worded posting (my copywriter said that). It seems that there is a cure for KC. I mean to take supplements to suppress the production of "seratonin" in our body! ok...juz kidding

Yes there are plenty of difference between us and someone of another culture. Everybody who has a foreign gf can confirm this. But it only hits us after the first 6-9months of honeymoon stage. When reality sets in, the bed of roses seems to have lots of thorns after all.

Thanks man.

[slider_72]

Originally Posted by colins

Thanks bro slider_72 for the addition to my badly worded posting (my copywriter said that). It seems that there is a cure for KC. I mean to take supplements to suppress the production of "seratonin" in our body! ok...juz kidding

Wa, you have a copywriter to vet your postings??? You win liao

Actually, what you said about taking medicine to suppress the KC feeling is possible although I am not sure if anyone has invented such a medicine or cocktail of medicine yet. If you are able to alter the chemical makeup of a person's brain, you can alter that person's behaviour.

[colins]

I hope that wouldn't start a zombies-taking-over-the-world scenario!

If I let the copywriter see this, his great great grandson 100yrs later will still be gossiping about it. Nah...he meant my other work...

[wodemama]

Originally Posted by slider_72

Wa, you have a copywriter to vet your postings??? You win liao

Actually, what you said about taking medicine to suppress the KC feeling is possible although I am not sure if anyone has invented such a medicine or cocktail of medicine yet. If you are able to alter the chemical makeup of a person's brain, you can alter that person's behaviour.

No there isnt such a medicine.. Imagine if it really gets invented. Since being able to alter to chemical makeup of the brain then we could all be under the control of that person if he decides to lie about the effects!

[kiko]

True love is all about: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!

[Berserk]

Originally Posted by kiko

True love is all about: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails!

Me Agreed with bro Kiko who is also a christian... True love surpass all fear...

[uobboss]

Originally Posted by glooper83

But about a week back, i wanted to take her out in the day to sightsee.. I thought it would cost nothing in the day, little did i know that i was quoted by her okt for $500 for 4 hours.

Bro Glooper,

The street walkers are watched 24 hrs by the okt to prevent them from earning w/o a cut . Most of the street walkers under okt accommodation are arranged by the okt's and got spy there . Even when the wl wanna go chinatown got okt bodyguards accompany them .