Mistress

[justime]

By way of an anecdote (which is almost parable / metaphor-like) when talking about power dynamics.

I will leave bros here to think about what I write and draw their own conclusions.

1) I remember an episode whereby Hua (my friend and business mentor) had his mistress, AE, carry a lot of bags. These are mostly shopping groceries. AE’s hands were literally full and she was struggling to even walk properly. Hua’s who is not carrying anything at all at that time did not even proffer any assistance at all. When I witnessed the situation, I ribbed him about not displaying ‘gentlemanly conduct’.

Hua replied nonchalantly: “She may be girl, but I am elderly. So what is your point? PRC gals are stronger and more resilient than you give them credit for. A housewife exerts more energy in her daily chores”

Hua had a point. Despite AE’s struggles with the numerous bags, she reached the car without falling over or any other untoward incident. There is a minimum of fuss or even attitude thrown in. (When I asked hypothetically on this scenario to some of my friends, (much like Bro Anson here on his handbag carrying scenario), I get a sense that many men having a strong sense of recoil on these apparently non chivalrous attitude that borders on misogyny.

Putting aside the issue of chivalry, I somehow intuited that the cryptic response given by Hua had a life lesson concerning power play.

That notions and social mores about gentlemanly conduct can be exploited. Presumptive gender roles like the male being paymaster, ladies being hapless damsels, man giving in to the whims of lady (being a lady has the prerogative to be indulged) all can be used as weapons in the play for power. What’s more tears can be used to subvert - and this is one of the most powerful emotional blackmail tool!!!!!

In fact I have got many lady friends (from WL to OL) who candidly admitted that they often used tears to get what they want to control their guy! .

2) I would to add here that I too am asked to carry a handbag – by my mistress no less. Out of habit (from here previous relationships I guess), my PRC mistress asked me to carry her handbag while we were shopping in Shanghai one day. I was mildly ‘taken aback’ by this sudden request but acquiesced anyway – just to see where episode will lead to.

As I was carrying her handbag, I was mentally ratiocinating on how I can parlay this to my advantage – such as demanding some kinky play and/or use it as a pretext to refuse to further pay for the shopping trip.

However, as I was carrying her bag and going about the routine task of shopping (and generally not kicking up a fuss about it deliberately), I could sense the disquiet that my mistress was feeling. Finally she asked for her handbag back. I cynically asked why that change of heart, she sheepishly replied that it is 'not nice for men to carry handbags'.

My response is a calm retort – why then does she ask me to do so if she know that it is 'not nice for men to carry handbags'.

For the rest of the shopping trip I deliberately held up on the paying bit. Not because I was angry or even a mildly riled over the incident – I just play act for kicks. Whatever items she chose I would cast aspersions and say that if she liked it so much, she can pay for it herself and finally I claimed that I am being tired and want to go back to my hotel.

When we got back, she apologized. And soon started that inevitably ‘peace’ and reconciliatory process by being super nice and sweet and accommodating.

Now that I got some emotional intensity percolating, I parlayed this for my first anal experience with her (which she had agreed to earlier anyway but holding up in terms of delivery hitherto).

And till now I still get SMS periodically from her (despite her being married) and despite me terminating the relationship three and half years ago.

[Compassion]

Just came across this thread. Excellent sharing, bros.... esp bro justime. Really highly envy your status...eloquent English..high spending power....good look(that's what one bro wrote)....inspiring writer...own business with flexibility of time.....relationship guru....all highly enviable personality traits. Must be high target for most KTV gals.

[ansonsohna]

Originally Posted by Compassion

Just came across this thread. Excellent sharing, bros.... esp bro justime. Really highly envy your status...eloquent English..high spending power....good look(that's what one bro wrote)....inspiring writer...own business with flexibility of time.....relationship guru....all highly enviable personality traits. Must be high target for most KTV gals.

hi bro justime, i agree w bro compassion one. u solid catch for KTV gals! but i think u too elusive and clever to kena trap by them ....

bro compassion, since bro jus help me so much, i know tat wat i write is not objective. i agree w yur views, but wat i like about bro just is his humble & generousity despite his status. one dam good human being!

don't面红耳赤 hor bro justime....!

anyway, got ano issue to ask yur opionion and other experienced bros here.

sori like teenager like tat, but me very low on experience w regard to relationship.

my question: after the 'quarrel' over me carrying sally's handbag, i feel a bit sian about the relationship. i still like sally but not as much as last time. i also feel like i want to see other people.

when i ask sally to be my gf, i say we go exclusive and steady. she agree. but now tat we steady, i begin to miss fun of buaya and flirt w new gal. aso the quarrel make me a little sian w her. her attitude when she quarrel w me remind me of the time i kena wussy by my ex.

but problem is - i feel bad to end the relationship. afterall it is i tat call us to be steady (and never even two mths, i want to inititate breakup).

but with her, i feel guilty everytime i try to chat up some new gal. when i cheong, i also feel like i cheat her like that. i last week go gl, my kuku cannot stand hard long - very fast cum. i tink i feel guilty.

i don't feel freedom. tell me bros, is tis bcos i commit to one gal so fast - just when i learn how to fish, i throw away fishing rod.

truly like dam if u do and dam if u don't dilema.

[ansonsohna]

bump up this thread ... its been such a while since there are masterstrokes.

[nitefyre]

just to add my two cents on 'carry handbag' topic

although from a 'is it a big deal?' POV, i would say no. cause really ... it's just like any other bag you would carry. However, if the girl asks me to carry her bag while walking around and doing her shopping, the answer will be a no. My philosophy is, if you want to bring out the handbag ... you carry it. I don't mind helping you hold it if you need the use of both your hands / going to washroom.

If want to argue, I might even go as far as saying it is disrespectful (whatever the gender) to ask someone else to hold your stuff when you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself. you look at me as b/f or slave??

However, that being said, i would say it also depends on the girl. If the girl is very opinionated, then i would be quite adamant about not holding her bag. You want equal rights ... carry your own bag.
If the girl is a much more 'docile' girl, can consider if she asks ... but maybe as per bro justtime scenario ... get a favour in return later. :P

[grouchycabi]

Bro Justime

What happened to this very useful thread? I spent half a day reading through all the postings and then found that it had ended abruptly! So sad. I am surprised that the last posting was in Feb 2010!

I hope you would continue to share your wise experiences with us here. I believe many brothers here are still waiting to learn how to be a Confident Bastard and how to DISENGAGE oneself from a mistress easily.

Would also be helpful if other brothers could also chip in to share their valuable experiences!

Thanks in advance!

[ansonsohna]

Originally Posted by grouchycabi

...What happened to this very useful thread? I spent half a day reading through all the postings and then found that it had ended abruptly! So sad. I am surprised that the last posting was in Feb 2010!

I hope you would continue to share your wise experiences with us here. I believe many brothers here are still waiting to learn how to be a Confident Bastard and how to DISENGAGE oneself from a mistress easily.

Would also be helpful if other brothers could also chip in to share their valuable experiences!

Hi Bro Grochycabi, thank you for resuscitating this thread. This is the thread that started it all for me ~ all the good things I must say! I also chio ka peng when I read back some of my postings. ..... dam malu siah, I just wanna hide under a rock

Anyways, I did contact bro justime previously on the continuation of this thread. He told me that bro warbird's has done a stellar job in his "picking up gals outside KTV" thread. And that in order not to dilute focus - a lot of duplication material - decide to wind down this thread and let the other thrad shine.

Bro Jus also told me that he will contribute to bro warbird's "picking up gals outside KTV" thread as and when he can as he is busy moving about to build another business. (Good Luck Bro, you deserve it!)

I have personally benefitted a lot from this "mistress" thread (and from bro jus individual tutelege). Reading back a couple of pages, i am pleasantly surprised what a difference one year makes. Sometimes its good to keep a blog or diary simply to see your progress or growth.

I hao lian a little here can?

1) Dam malu with myself about kicking a fuss over carrying handbags - as in the last few postings. Bladdy mid thirties man (okay now slightly beyond that ) behave like gin na. I have totally forgotten about Sally ~ until I read this thread again.

Since Sally, I am in a 'steady' relationship with another gal - I call her Olive in this forum. More importantly, I am also sort of dating a model from China. I call the latter my "fantasy gal"

(Okay, fantasy girl may not be a Top Tier model. More like the "care-leh-fair" grade. But a for chao no money heartlander whose looks can rival wayne rooney in the ugliness department, its the best thing that happen in my life so far. A literal "Beauty & Beast" story, only that this beast is a pock kai bastard.

... sell koyok a little ~ for the full chronicles of how this started, its progress and development see my thread. And this story is still on-going ...

http://sammyboyforum.org.nz/showthread.php?t=190910

2) Through Bro Jus "training" (me macham kung fu panda) I have learned to overcome shyness when approaching gals. This is probably what help me "land" sammi, my fantasy girl described above.

3) I did some hard work and applied NLP and also use the advice and exercise Bro Jus gave to actually totally kick my two pack a day hoong ki habit. I now also only moderately togo (social drinker). Still buy 4D though.

4) Best of all, from nearly kena sack from work to now recently got promoted and salary nearly doubled from a year back. More money to cheong yipppeeeee!

(Still doing the same cho bo lan staff only now kena attend more meetings! Less time to surf net and post during Office hours is the only drawback)

Cheers and yum seng to all bros in 2011. (and up you bro grouchy for bumping up this magical thread!)

[fallen.angel]

Ah ha!! So this is the famed thread everyone was raving about! This is so amazing!! Thanks for reviving this thread, bro ansonsohna!

Damn, this is really very very good stuff!! I have read 3 pages and also bookmarked it! Man, so much to learn, the masterstrokes, and also improve my English along the way… one stone 2 birds! Thank you bro Justime!

[warbird]

Bro Justime,

Thank you for coming to meet me n my kakis at Jade yesterday. Pleasure was all mine!

And thank u for sharing your personal experiences n ordeals for the last 4-5 yrs. You look relaxed n confident, in the pink of health. You're very resilient n you are now stronger than ever before. Your emotional strength is awesome!!

That is why you're the original Bao King!

I look forward to seeing u again.

Cheers!

Bro WB