[freshstartm]

Fellow bros, please help me sort out some relationship issues. Some background:

First, I'd like to discuss the difficult relationships I've had with girls (romantic/friends) over the course of my life. All of them had their ups and downs. But the last 3 in particular have hurt me the most. "My heart needs surgery" is the thought that just came to me.

1. The first relationship I had was what you could call "first love." A pure relationship that began early in secondary school, love at first sight. Lots of jittery nervousness and awkwardness. Very little skinship or physical contact, it was more about a feeling of emotional closeness. I was so happy at the time. But as I got to know her better, she was kinda hot and cold, push and pull. Eventually, we sort of just drifted apart. But later on, when she would see me, she'd start flirting again even though she had a BF at that time. Which to me felt toxic. Also, she would flirt with my friends whenever I was around them to try to make me feel jealous. So it left a bitter taste in my mouth, but my heart felt OK.

2. The second one began in my first year at uni with a girl that was in my class. We just started talking and it was super comfortable at first, because we had lot of similarities. Not really any romantic feelings, just chatting and joking around. But I did like her and wanted to spend more time with her. But I wasn't sure if she wanted to just be friends or be something more, so I had no idea how to approach the situation. I guess I was too hesitant to directly ask her, and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. In any case, she got a BF the next semester, so I decided to be safe and not get too close. I was not really heartbroken though, just felt a little awkward with her after that, so that was the end.

3. The shortest one lasting only a few weeks, but maybe the most painful. After graduating uni, for a long long time, I didn't have any close relationships with girls. But then, I met this really gorgeous girl, easily the hottest girl I've been with. Very cute, flirty, and good in bed as well. Looking back, it was mostly just a casual physical relationship. In my mind at the time, I was just thinking: OK, I will keep things light, just hook up with this girl a few times and then move on. Don't fall in love with her so fast. But I was too naive. The act of sex and physical contact (hugging, snuggling, etc.) created a strong emotional bond that I didn't realize until it was too late. Then one day, without ever telling me, she moved away. And just like that, my heart started to ache. My mind was telling me: "Move on, it was just a fling!" But it kept hurting and hurting. And for the first time in my life, I cried over a girl. I don't know why, but I guess I really liked her for some reason.