Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[hakone]

Originally Posted by warbird

😂 Joke of the day

The nun and the Russian soldier XXX

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath, he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt, I'll explain later.”

The nun agreed. A moment later two military police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.”

After the military police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Ukraine.” The nun said, “I understand completely.” The soldier added, “I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!”

The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would've seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Ukraine either.”

😂😂

Haha this is funny!

[Hurricane88]

*Joke with a moral ending ❗*
A Russian Jew was allowed to leave the Soviet Union to travel to Israel.

*At the Moscow airport they found a statue of Lenin in his luggage.*

-"What's this?" the official asked.
- "He is Comrade Lenin, who laid the foundations of socialism and created the prosperous future of the Russian people. _*I take him with me as a permanent memory of our hero.*_

The officer let him pass without problems and *_with admiration for his patriotism_*.

*==============*

*At the Tel Aviv airport they asked him:*

- What's this?
- I answer: It is Lenin, the bastard who managed to get me, a Jew, to leave Russia. *I bring this statue so I can hate him every day of my life*
.
The Israeli official let him pass without further questions.

*===============*

Settling into his new house, *he put the statue in the middle of the living room* and invited his friends over for dinner.

One of them, pointing to the statue, asked "Who is that?"
-and he answered: *they are ten kilos of solid gold that I brought from Russia without paying Customs duties.*

*MORAL*:

*_Politics is the ability to tell the same rubbish, in a different way, to fool different fools who do not see beyond their fanaticism._*

We are experiencing the same crap in Malaysia with our old politicans and their old parties. Dividing us and screwing us to win their votes and whack our hard earned money.

[ah rat]

________________

[hicum]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

We are experiencing the same crap in Malaysia with our old politicans and their old parties. Dividing us and screwing us to win their votes and whack our hard earned money.

Their neighbours are even worse

[warbird]

There was an interesting chicken place on Selegie Road.

This photo was taken by a dear bro.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by warbird

There was an interesting chicken place on Selegie Road.

This photo was taken by a dear bro.

Love to eat chicken

[BushTracker]

Originally Posted by SBMEDSUP

Love to eat chicken

叫鸡。。。。。来食！

[Vibrator]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

😇 Harry a lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.

But Harry was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When Harry mentioned that he had 12 children. No one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

Harry couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie. We all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So, Harry sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids. He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

Harry loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked, "_How many children do you have?”_

He answered: "_Twelve_."

The agent asked, "_Where are the others?"_

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered “_They're in the cemetery with their mother!!!"_

*MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words...*

*and this is how half truth is presented to us everyday by news channels.* 😜

Haha … very clever 👍

[ah rat]

[etsys]

My humble finding

[WestGermany1974]

Originally Posted by ah rat

Haha sexy joke!

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Hope not April Fool's jokes