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  #1  
Old 22-07-2022, 09:28 PM
kryptonite1892 kryptonite1892 is offline
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Ways of convincing and trying

I've a story to share and would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I know this colleague who has had fun with another colleague of mine. Both are married but that fun time was years ago. I guess it's the excitement. She's quite pretty and recently i got close to her due to work projects.

I hinted to her to go out on a date with me but she laughed it off and tried to ignore the topic but we are still very close and share jokes here and there and sometimes it's the flirty type. Asked her to go out on a date with me because now she's not married anymore.

Her response was she finds me 'scary' and 'dangerous' and when i asked more of what she meant by that, she said dangerous in a way that i was charming and attractive so it was dangerous. Not sure what she meant by that but i guess she doesn't want to fall in love or anything like that?

Tbh, I'm not looking for love too. Just companionship and maybe have a good time destressing and chilling with her. How do i try to convince her to try and go out with me and have a good time?
  #2  
Old 22-07-2022, 09:53 PM
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TheIdesOfMarch TheIdesOfMarch is offline
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

Quote:
Originally Posted by kryptonite1892 View Post
I've a story to share and would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I know this colleague who has had fun with another colleague of mine. Both are married but that fun time was years ago. I guess it's the excitement. She's quite pretty and recently i got close to her due to work projects.

I hinted to her to go out on a date with me but she laughed it off and tried to ignore the topic but we are still very close and share jokes here and there and sometimes it's the flirty type. Asked her to go out on a date with me because now she's not married anymore.

Her response was she finds me 'scary' and 'dangerous' and when i asked more of what she meant by that, she said dangerous in a way that i was charming and attractive so it was dangerous. Not sure what she meant by that but i guess she doesn't want to fall in love or anything like that?

Tbh, I'm not looking for love too. Just companionship and maybe have a good time destressing and chilling with her. How do i try to convince her to try and go out with me and have a good time?
If I were you I'd be direct and tell her "Don't worry, I promise I won't bite if you don't want me to. *winks* How about we go for drinks after work? I know of so and so bar, pretty chill atmosphere, good drink prices. Purely drinks, no obligations or expectations."

Disarm her with being candid, direct, but just a bit cheeky to tease her and show you are returning her flirtations. That's kind of how I upped my supervisor at work last time in my first job.
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  #3  
Old 22-07-2022, 11:05 PM
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Jasee Jasee is offline
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

Wow, you managed to get your supervisor! Sounds like something I’d be afraid to do especially when they decide your performance appraisal

But yes I agree too, I think come across as candid, direct and abit cheeky for the teasing part. But also let her get to know your reason and if she feels the same way and reciprocated, then it’s a win win for you both anyway.

Perhaps you are also really charming and attractive and that can also be “scary”, because what if she devotes herself to you, and someone takes you away from her. Then all the effort she has put into being w you is lost and she’s going to go back to finding a guy who she thinks won’t scare her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheIdesOfMarch View Post
If I were you I'd be direct and tell her "Don't worry, I promise I won't bite if you don't want me to. *winks* How about we go for drinks after work? I know of so and so bar, pretty chill atmosphere, good drink prices. Purely drinks, no obligations or expectations."

Disarm her with being candid, direct, but just a bit cheeky to tease her and show you are returning her flirtations. That's kind of how I upped my supervisor at work last time in my first job.
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  #4  
Old 22-07-2022, 11:47 PM
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TheIdesOfMarch TheIdesOfMarch is offline
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

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Originally Posted by Jasee View Post
Wow, you managed to get your supervisor! Sounds like something I’d be afraid to do especially when they decide your performance appraisal

But yes I agree too, I think come across as candid, direct and abit cheeky for the teasing part. But also let her get to know your reason and if she feels the same way and reciprocated, then it’s a win win for you both anyway.

Perhaps you are also really charming and attractive and that can also be “scary”, because what if she devotes herself to you, and someone takes you away from her. Then all the effort she has put into being w you is lost and she’s going to go back to finding a guy who she thinks won’t scare her.
HAHA, she kind of got me too to be honest. It's nice when a hookup happens with mutual interest, not just driven by one side.

Link below describes how things happened. Good thing she doesn't, and the company back then didn't have performance appraisals. Not the right industry for that sort of thing anyway, and the boss wasn't the kind to believe in performance appraisals either at least for non-sales staff.

https://sammyboyforum.org.nz/showthread.php?p=1...=#post18927874

Sadly we didn't stay FWBs after I quit her company. We kind of drifted apart after that too due to personality differences that couldn't be papered over with sex (we fell out big time in the office in my last week at work, and the last fuck we did after my last day at work was the angry sex kind).
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  #5  
Old 23-07-2022, 07:31 AM
kryptonite1892 kryptonite1892 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheIdesOfMarch View Post
If I were you I'd be direct and tell her "Don't worry, I promise I won't bite if you don't want me to. *winks* How about we go for drinks after work? I know of so and so bar, pretty chill atmosphere, good drink prices. Purely drinks, no obligations or expectations."

Disarm her with being candid, direct, but just a bit cheeky to tease her and show you are returning her flirtations. That's kind of how I upped my supervisor at work last time in my first job.
Problem is i don't drink but i know normally drinks after work will tend to lead and ease what's coming after. I don't want to come off as trying too hard or desperate.

Last edited by kryptonite1892; 23-07-2022 at 08:21 PM.
  #6  
Old 23-07-2022, 03:45 PM
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

Of course drift apart, how a mature lady get along with a young kiddo?

Last edited by juneta; 23-07-2022 at 08:34 PM.
  #7  
Old 23-07-2022, 03:49 PM
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

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Originally Posted by juneta View Post
Of drift apart, how a mature lady get along with a young kiddo?
Alot of mature like young kiddo
  #8  
Old 23-07-2022, 09:41 PM
kryptonite1892 kryptonite1892 is offline
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

sometimes girls ignore or reject your request to date her out but from experience, these are just covering up what they are open to actually. i only interact with her during working hours as i tend not to msg her. Should i start msging her continuing the pursuit of spending time after work?
  #9  
Old 23-07-2022, 09:51 PM
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

Quote:
Originally Posted by kryptonite1892 View Post
Problem is i don't drink but i know normally drinks after work will tend to lead and ease what's coming after. I don't want to come off as trying too hard or desperate.
In my view, a non-drinker guy has nearly zero chance to upz a lady colleague who loves to drink. Alcohol disarms the lady and provides her a chance to assess you in a social environment. Ladies also respect a man who can hold his liquor, and perhaps even take care of her and not take advantage when she is already tipsy.

If you don't drink because you're Halal and she is not, then nearly confirm plus chop you have zero chance of upping her.

Even if you do, she will continue to drink and meet other guys in a social environment with alcohol - and what are you going to do then?? Drink coke?
  #10  
Old 23-07-2022, 09:58 PM
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

Quote:
Originally Posted by kryptonite1892 View Post
I've a story to share and would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I know this colleague who has had fun with another colleague of mine. Both are married but that fun time was years ago. I guess it's the excitement. She's quite pretty and recently i got close to her due to work projects.

I hinted to her to go out on a date with me but she laughed it off and tried to ignore the topic but we are still very close and share jokes here and there and sometimes it's the flirty type. Asked her to go out on a date with me because now she's not married anymore.

Her response was she finds me 'scary' and 'dangerous' and when i asked more of what she meant by that, she said dangerous in a way that i was charming and attractive so it was dangerous. Not sure what she meant by that but i guess she doesn't want to fall in love or anything like that?

Tbh, I'm not looking for love too. Just companionship and maybe have a good time destressing and chilling with her. How do i try to convince her to try and go out with me and have a good time?
i see you have asked a few times ya ? since you have work projects together, use lunch first?

and for after work chilling, maybe use events like concert, expo you want go see something ask her accompany u as friend, like this less direct less like a date defense down then progress to date after a few such outings

this just my suggestion
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Old 23-07-2022, 10:42 PM
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

Quote:
Originally Posted by kryptonite1892 View Post
I've a story to share and would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I know this colleague who has had fun with another colleague of mine. Both are married but that fun time was years ago. I guess it's the excitement. She's quite pretty and recently i got close to her due to work projects.

I hinted to her to go out on a date with me but she laughed it off and tried to ignore the topic but we are still very close and share jokes here and there and sometimes it's the flirty type. Asked her to go out on a date with me because now she's not married anymore.

Her response was she finds me 'scary' and 'dangerous' and when i asked more of what she meant by that, she said dangerous in a way that i was charming and attractive so it was dangerous. Not sure what she meant by that but i guess she doesn't want to fall in love or anything like that?

Tbh, I'm not looking for love too. Just companionship and maybe have a good time destressing and chilling with her. How do i try to convince her to try and go out with me and have a good time?

check with him ?
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Old 23-07-2022, 10:52 PM
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Xgenre Xgenre is offline
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Re: Ways of convincing and trying

Quote:
Originally Posted by kryptonite1892 View Post
Her response was she finds me 'scary' and 'dangerous' and when i asked more of what she meant by that, she said dangerous in a way that i was charming and attractive so it was dangerous. Not sure what she meant by that but i guess she doesn't want to fall in love or anything like that?
Basically she is saying you are not her cup of tea. But to soften the blow to your fragile ego because she still has to work with you, she used her brain and came up with this wonderful reason. It's not your fault that we are not together. It is my fault because I find you charming and attractive. (If you are really charming and attractive, you will not be rejected right?)

If you persist further, she may report you to the HR. It's the #metoo era now. It's a warning sign to back off.

She already risked her career by having fun with a colleague. That affair is no longer a secret. If she shits where she eats again, how will it look on her resume or on future reference checks?
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Old 24-07-2022, 09:33 AM
kryptonite1892 kryptonite1892 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin23 View Post
In my view, a non-drinker guy has nearly zero chance to upz a lady colleague who loves to drink. Alcohol disarms the lady and provides her a chance to assess you in a social environment. Ladies also respect a man who can hold his liquor, and perhaps even take care of her and not take advantage when she is already tipsy.

If you don't drink because you're Halal and she is not, then nearly confirm plus chop you have zero chance of upping her.

Even if you do, she will continue to drink and meet other guys in a social environment with alcohol - and what are you going to do then?? Drink coke?
the drinking session was suggested by one reply here. from her social activities, i think she drinks but not really something that she does often. I've managed to go out with ladies that doesn't involve a night out drinking to be closer to them. i think that's more of an achievement with them not being in a influenced state.
  #14  
Old 24-07-2022, 09:34 AM
kryptonite1892 kryptonite1892 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SugaryDaddy View Post
check with him ?
i checked with him already. I think that time it was something of 'not getting enough attention by hubby' period that's why she was looking for something else. Now that they're not together anymore...
  #15  
Old 24-07-2022, 09:37 AM
kryptonite1892 kryptonite1892 is offline
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kryptonite1892 is under Moderation till he learns how to behave
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xgenre View Post
Basically she is saying you are not her cup of tea. But to soften the blow to your fragile ego because she still has to work with you, she used her brain and came up with this wonderful reason. It's not your fault that we are not together. It is my fault because I find you charming and attractive. (If you are really charming and attractive, you will not be rejected right?)

If you persist further, she may report you to the HR. It's the #metoo era now. It's a warning sign to back off.

She already risked her career by having fun with a colleague. That affair is no longer a secret. If she shits where she eats again, how will it look on her resume or on future reference checks?
maybe yes she's smart and using that as an excuse. but why was she risking her career? of course not everyone knows about them and she's not seen as someone who sleeps around with eveyone. It's not like it's not something consensual between the both of them. They're still talking now like nothing happen so i guess we're all mature and professional enough for life to go on like normal.
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